Volume I, Ongoing Edition
A fully satirical, deeply documented, historically grounded, and absolutely not-at-all-subtle examination of one man's remarkable talent for betraying the country he allegedly loved.
★ For entertainment and political commentary purposes. First Amendment vibes only. ★
Carefully curated highlights from a career of distinguished treachery. All items are real. The satire is the framing.
Took hundreds of classified documents — including nuclear secrets — to his Florida resort, stored them in a ballroom, a bathroom, and wherever else seemed convenient. When asked to return them, did not.
Spent hours watching his supporters storm the Capitol on television, reportedly delighted, while aides and family members begged him to intervene. Eventually sent a tweet. Many hours later.
Stood next to Vladimir Putin at a press conference and publicly sided with Russian intelligence over all 17 U.S. intelligence agencies on the subject of election interference. "I don't see any reason why it would be Russia."
Personally called Georgia's Secretary of State and pressured him to "find" enough votes to reverse the state's certified election results. The call was recorded. He played it anyway.
Publicly stated he would encourage Russia to attack NATO members that hadn't met spending targets. NATO allies — historically the foundation of Western security — were described as freeloaders. Putin was not.
Publicly mused — during an official White House briefing — about whether injecting disinfectant might cure COVID-19. Medical professionals asked him not to. He said they had no sense of humor.
Every great story has a beginning. This one starts in 2015 and keeps going. And going. And going.
Descends golden escalator. Describes Mexican immigrants as rapists and criminals. Roger Stone is excited. The rest is history.
Publicly asks Russia to hack his opponent's emails. Russia, apparently listening, does so within hours. Mueller later notes this. Trump calls it "perfect."
In the Oval Office, shares highly classified intelligence with Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov and Ambassador Sergey Kislyak. Israeli intelligence officials learn about it from the news.
Sides with Putin over U.S. intelligence on live television. Former CIA director calls it "treasonous." Trump says he misspoke. Nobody buys it.
Withholds congressionally approved military aid to Ukraine to pressure President Zelensky into announcing an investigation of a political rival. Gets impeached. Calls it "perfect."
Tells Bob Woodward in February that COVID is deadly. Tells the public in March that it's no worse than the flu. 1.2 million Americans die. Trump says he handled it beautifully.
Tells supporters the election was stolen. Tells them to march to the Capitol. Watches the siege on television. Texts and calls go unreturned for 187 minutes. Democracy trembles.
Stores classified files at Mar-a-Lago. Denies having them. They are found. Claims a president can declassify things by thinking about them. Legal scholars pause.
Check back daily. The archive grows. Truth is stubborn that way.
The man is nothing if not forthcoming. Every quote below is real and unedited. Satire wrote itself.
"I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose any voters."
"Russia, if you're listening, I hope you're able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing."
"I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have."
"And what I'm asking you to do is be strong. We're going to walk down to the Capitol."
"I said [to myself], 'What do you have to lose?' And the audience went wild."
"When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything."
This website is satirical political commentary protected under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. All claims presented as "evidence" are based on public record, court documents, congressional testimony, and the man's own words spoken into microphones. The framing is comedic. The facts are not.
No actual legal conclusions are asserted. We are not lawyers. We are people with internet access and a healthy relationship with documented history.
Trump Organization lawyers: please direct all complaints to 1-800-READ-A-BOOK.